Soooooooooo, anyone who reads this blog may have noticed that I haven't written anything for a while. That's true, I haven't. Been trying to figure out where I'm going and what I'm doing with my life and tons of other things that would bore you but seem life-altering to me. But, have no fear, I bring to you a new blog filled with the ultimate in nerdiness: Dungeons and Dragons!
Ah, D&D. Just the mention of it dredges up images of devil-worshipping kids who can't get a date and spend all their time in the basement with the lights turned off, the Deicide turned up, rolling dice and doing their damnedest to get an early onset of diabetes. I didn't really get into RPGs of any type until college, not because I was too cool but really because I was so uncool I didn't have anyone to play with. Well, that's not entirely true, but the truth is boring so the Hollywood version is that I had no friends and therefore no one to play D&D with, though there was a time when my bestest friend in the whole world, who I only saw once a year because he lived far away, came to visit and brought with him a D&D board game. I immediately set up a scenario in which I knew he would be killed, involving manscorpions and other assorted baddies. His lone thief stood no chance, I pissed him off, and...well, now I'm starting to realize why I had no friends. Wow, that's depressing.
Back on topic. In college I found a group of people as socialy awkward as I and we proceeded to do some roleplaying. Boy was that embarrassing the first time, when I came in with my whips, chains, and leather thong. Seriously though, we played RIFTS I believe, and it was during this campaign that I first caugh the ire of what could be considered my college nemesis, whose name shall not be used in case he ever comes across this and, in need of some funds to support his heroin addiction or whatever, decides to sue me for libel. (Incidentally, he's not addicted to heroin as far as I know) This fellow got mad at me for playing my character and from that point on made it his job to make my life a living hell. From RIFTS we went through TMNT, Star Wars, Ravenloft, D&D, and a smattering of the DC game. So, we had lots of fun, many people were killed and wenches ravished, and copious amounts of junk food were consumed.
Flash forward to now. Isn't time travel wonderful? Anywho, here in grad school, I didn't run into as many D&D fans. Probably has something to do with Pat Robertson being Chancellor, but nevertheless I once again found myself without people to play with. Now, almost graduated and rueing the day I was born, my wife buys me the D&D Miniatures Basic Set which I immediately fell in love with. Then I find out that some of my friends are curious and want to play the game, so we bust it out and next thing I know I'm running a campaign filled with action, adventure, intrigue, and story...all of which I make up completely off the cuff. The beauty of this game is that I don't have a DM guide, so I have to make up a lot of things, but that's fine by me especially since I have all newbies so no one can argue about the rules. I even made up a weapon called the "Flaming Sword of Retribution" for them to find which does regular longsowrd damage plus 5 burning damage per attack, as well as 5 damage every round to attacked creature. Great stuff.
I'm addicted. I love this game, and I find myself wanting to continue this campaign. I even get worried that one of the people playing will back out and I try to figure out how we can work it without them. Wow, that's sad. Maybe Pat is right and D&D is bad for you....
Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Sam
Friday, July 18, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Harness the Power!
I was actually going to start this blog off with an essay about my love/hate affair with Star Wars, but I decided that was too cliché nerdy, so I’ve opted to write about Dino Riders instead. Not that I’m an expert on them, but I feel that no one has written in-depth about them, although to be perfectly honest I did less than zero research to back up this statement. For those of you who are wondering how one can do less than zero research, it can be best explained in the following mathematical formula: Zero research + total apathy = less than zero research. This is a mathematical conundrum the likes of which has never been seen before, as it is the first time that adding a positive to zero can equal a negative, but I digress
Sooooooo, where was I? Ah yes, Dino-Riders. When I was a wee lad, I loved dinosaurs like they were the second coming. Okay, maybe not to that level of blasphemy, but I loved them nonetheless. And what kid didn’t honestly love the idea of enormous, flesh-rending monsters stomping around tearing everything up and not really giving a flying you-know-what while they did it. Who was going to tell Tyrannosaurus Rex that he needed to keep it down? Certainly not me, though Chuck Norris might. Apparently I wasn’t the only child of the ’80-‘90’s who loved the thunder lizards though, because it seemed like they were everywhere: in the movies (Jurassic Park anyone), on TV (in a mercifully short-lived sitcom as well as other places), and even in Calvin and Hobbes comics. But the place that I remember them the most fondly was in Dino-Riders, a toy line that merged two of the greatest things ever: dinosaurs and mind control.
If you don’t know the premise of Dino-Riders, it’s fairly simple. The good guys (whose names I can’t remember), who won’t kill anything (and are probably vegans, because plants can’t die) are being chased by the bad guys, who are various types of humanoid amphibians, insects, and reptiles and call themselves Rulons. Apparently the irony of “evolved” reptiles enslaving their evolutionary ancestors was too great for the show and toy line’s creators to pass up…or else I’m putting too much thought into this.
I could ramble on and on about backstories and character sketches, but who wants to read about that, much less write about it? Let’s get on to the only thing that really matters: the toys. Dino-Riders figures were roughly 2” tall and not very well detailed or articulated, a fact that we can all forgive since they’re so small. Really though the figures are, in this particular line, more of an accessory, an excuse if you will to have dinosaurs roaming around with laser guns and missiles on them. The dinosaurs themselves ranged in size from fairly small, like the Dimetrodon, to insanely huge, like the T-Rex. I remember getting the T-Rex for Christmas, at which point he promptly came out of the box, was covered in weapons systems, and then proceeded to eat every single action figure I owned…by himself! T-Rex was one of the dinosaurs that moved and his mouth opened and shut, so much mayhem was wreaked by him before Super Powers Superman took him down. Well, actually, that’s not true; Rex ate Supes too.
I never really had many of these toys, but I did have some of the gems like Rex, the Triceratops, and the Stegosaurus. The rest of the ones in my collection were the smaller guys like the Pterodactyl, Quetzalcoatl, and Dimetrodon. What I never had, nor knew existed, were the Ice Age guys. Upon looking at them, I can see why I never knew about them: chances are I saw them, blocked them from my memory as too painful, and now I’ll have to go on Dr. Phil to help me deal with this tragic undertaking. Not necessarily that the animals weren’t decent enough, but why the freak were they being ridden by cavemen who look like monkeys with shaved backs? It boggles the mind, it does.
Now, as I get older and wiser (or at least older) I realize that these toys were just friggin’ great. I want to go on E-Bay and buy up every single one I see. However, the premise behind them is a little suspect. After all, we basically have this idea that animals should be enslaved via mind-control if they won’t do what we want them to do. This of course can be applied further, and then we teach our children that anyone who disagrees with us must be mind-controlled. I know I’ve fantasized about building brain boxes or finding a necklace that allows me to control others, and I can probably trace that desire to control others who won’t do my bidding back to Dino-Riders. Or else I just need to stop with my Master’s Degree and not consider that Ph.D. Nevertheless, Dion-Riders are awesome awesome awesome, but I better stop my writing about them as there’s a strange woman wandering around the library and I might need to go call security.
-Sam
Sooooooo, where was I? Ah yes, Dino-Riders. When I was a wee lad, I loved dinosaurs like they were the second coming. Okay, maybe not to that level of blasphemy, but I loved them nonetheless. And what kid didn’t honestly love the idea of enormous, flesh-rending monsters stomping around tearing everything up and not really giving a flying you-know-what while they did it. Who was going to tell Tyrannosaurus Rex that he needed to keep it down? Certainly not me, though Chuck Norris might. Apparently I wasn’t the only child of the ’80-‘90’s who loved the thunder lizards though, because it seemed like they were everywhere: in the movies (Jurassic Park anyone), on TV (in a mercifully short-lived sitcom as well as other places), and even in Calvin and Hobbes comics. But the place that I remember them the most fondly was in Dino-Riders, a toy line that merged two of the greatest things ever: dinosaurs and mind control.
If you don’t know the premise of Dino-Riders, it’s fairly simple. The good guys (whose names I can’t remember), who won’t kill anything (and are probably vegans, because plants can’t die) are being chased by the bad guys, who are various types of humanoid amphibians, insects, and reptiles and call themselves Rulons. Apparently the irony of “evolved” reptiles enslaving their evolutionary ancestors was too great for the show and toy line’s creators to pass up…or else I’m putting too much thought into this.
I could ramble on and on about backstories and character sketches, but who wants to read about that, much less write about it? Let’s get on to the only thing that really matters: the toys. Dino-Riders figures were roughly 2” tall and not very well detailed or articulated, a fact that we can all forgive since they’re so small. Really though the figures are, in this particular line, more of an accessory, an excuse if you will to have dinosaurs roaming around with laser guns and missiles on them. The dinosaurs themselves ranged in size from fairly small, like the Dimetrodon, to insanely huge, like the T-Rex. I remember getting the T-Rex for Christmas, at which point he promptly came out of the box, was covered in weapons systems, and then proceeded to eat every single action figure I owned…by himself! T-Rex was one of the dinosaurs that moved and his mouth opened and shut, so much mayhem was wreaked by him before Super Powers Superman took him down. Well, actually, that’s not true; Rex ate Supes too.
I never really had many of these toys, but I did have some of the gems like Rex, the Triceratops, and the Stegosaurus. The rest of the ones in my collection were the smaller guys like the Pterodactyl, Quetzalcoatl, and Dimetrodon. What I never had, nor knew existed, were the Ice Age guys. Upon looking at them, I can see why I never knew about them: chances are I saw them, blocked them from my memory as too painful, and now I’ll have to go on Dr. Phil to help me deal with this tragic undertaking. Not necessarily that the animals weren’t decent enough, but why the freak were they being ridden by cavemen who look like monkeys with shaved backs? It boggles the mind, it does.
Now, as I get older and wiser (or at least older) I realize that these toys were just friggin’ great. I want to go on E-Bay and buy up every single one I see. However, the premise behind them is a little suspect. After all, we basically have this idea that animals should be enslaved via mind-control if they won’t do what we want them to do. This of course can be applied further, and then we teach our children that anyone who disagrees with us must be mind-controlled. I know I’ve fantasized about building brain boxes or finding a necklace that allows me to control others, and I can probably trace that desire to control others who won’t do my bidding back to Dino-Riders. Or else I just need to stop with my Master’s Degree and not consider that Ph.D. Nevertheless, Dion-Riders are awesome awesome awesome, but I better stop my writing about them as there’s a strange woman wandering around the library and I might need to go call security.
-Sam
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