Monday, December 15, 2008
I hate coming up with titles
Wow, it's been a while since I've written anything. See, I went on this cruise, and then I got back and things got hectic, and then my wife lost her job which prompted us to decide to move to Tennessee. Of course, this means no nerdy stuff to buy and it also means no time to write between now and then, but I hope to be able to write more often once I get moved and settled in. Of course, I need a job...
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Ebay gets crazy sometimes
I've never had a bidding war go in my favor before, but it looks like I may have been blessed by the Ebay gods with a recent auction. I placed this Yoda figure on Ebay:
He's currently at 66 bucks and these two guys have been fighting it out for him. Craziness. I'm in the process of selling off pretty much all of my collectibles, and Yoda here has been with me since he was first released, waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in 1997(or so) so he holds a special place in my heart. I hope that when he sells though the people buying him aren't deadbeat bidders. Seems like Ebay's been getting a lot more of those these days. Must have something to do with that no negs on buyers thing their brilliant minds came up with.
On a completely unrelated note, I have to go to a birthday party tonight for a friend of mine. Here's a picture of her for all the lonely hearts out there:
I love old Sophronia (who would kill me for posting her picture) and she's a bigger nerd than I, but man this party is going to have waaaaaaaaay to many people for an antisocial person like me. I guess I'm not really antisocial as much as I'm just offensive, but the two can be buttbuddies I think. There are going to be 20 people crammed into a space that could comfortably hold 10 at best. Blah. Oh well, I need to stop complaining.
By the way, I finally saw a different wave of DC Classics figures at TRU yesterday. I'm currently putting my collecting on hold, but those are some great figures. Of course, this guy had cleared out Wonder Woman, who was the one figure I probably would have bought in spite of myself. I told my wife and she suggested we club him with her purse.
My wife is violent...
He's currently at 66 bucks and these two guys have been fighting it out for him. Craziness. I'm in the process of selling off pretty much all of my collectibles, and Yoda here has been with me since he was first released, waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in 1997(or so) so he holds a special place in my heart. I hope that when he sells though the people buying him aren't deadbeat bidders. Seems like Ebay's been getting a lot more of those these days. Must have something to do with that no negs on buyers thing their brilliant minds came up with.
On a completely unrelated note, I have to go to a birthday party tonight for a friend of mine. Here's a picture of her for all the lonely hearts out there:
I love old Sophronia (who would kill me for posting her picture) and she's a bigger nerd than I, but man this party is going to have waaaaaaaaay to many people for an antisocial person like me. I guess I'm not really antisocial as much as I'm just offensive, but the two can be buttbuddies I think. There are going to be 20 people crammed into a space that could comfortably hold 10 at best. Blah. Oh well, I need to stop complaining.
By the way, I finally saw a different wave of DC Classics figures at TRU yesterday. I'm currently putting my collecting on hold, but those are some great figures. Of course, this guy had cleared out Wonder Woman, who was the one figure I probably would have bought in spite of myself. I told my wife and she suggested we club him with her purse.
My wife is violent...
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Whiplash!
So He-Man probably made half of my generation gay. I mean, c'mon, it's a bunch of muscled dudes in loincloths and furry briefs with really weird accessories. If that doesn't scream "gay man's wet dream" I don't know what does. But seriously, while Prince Adam and Co. may have made some of us gay, for most of us they made our childhoods a little less dreary. I mean, who couldn't resist a story about a distant planet where one only had to grab a sword, shout about Greyskull, point the sword at a scared cat, and then have cool armor and a really cool ride to boot?
He-Man had a smattering of toys that, upon further inspection, were kind of...cheap? boring? Whatever adjective I might choose, none could be as bad as the one needed to describe the character of Whiplash. I mean, look at this dude:
He looks lost. Seriously, is this the best Skeletor could come up with? A green kid who badly needs braces and looks like opening an automatic door would give him trouble? But hey, at least he has that spiffy keen spear to fight with, right? It's no wonder old Skelly could never win. With minions like that, he may as well just tape a sign on his chest that says, "Please, beat the cap out of me and leave me broken and bleeding on the ground. Then have your way with Evil-Lynn."
But for every Whiplash out there, you at least had cool creatures like Stinkor:
Who can't love a figure that looks like a skunk and whose plastic smells absolutely awful, even 20+ years later?
Here's some filth for you all, courtesy of Warren Ellis:
Sam
Thursday, September 18, 2008
11:08 PM and I just felt like typing.
Nothing really important here, I just felt like typing. Must be the writer in me. Anywho, I recently decided to try to save $1,000.00 In an effort to do so I'm foregoing buying anything, and I mean anything until I've reached that goal. I'm a little over halfway there at approximately $530.00. Woohoo! So, what should I buy once I'm able to? I'd buy books, but I'm not allowed to do so until I've read 100 of my own books. Quite a lofty feat for me. I love books, but reading them can sometimes take quite a while, as I am usually either:
1. Busy
or
2. Lazy
Nevertheless, I will reach my reading goal. But what to buy, what to buy? It's funny, because I get these grand ideas to go out and buy something but when I actually get to the store the desire kind of dries up. I think this is due to the fact that I see an item, I see the price, I think of how annoying it can be to get said item removed from its box, and then I remember how small an area I have for displaying the things I buy. Or maybe it's just leftover guilt from my ex. Nevertheless, I shall buy something, and when I do, I'll put up a pretty review of it for all you lovelies.
Better go now. My butt's getting numb.
Sam
1. Busy
or
2. Lazy
Nevertheless, I will reach my reading goal. But what to buy, what to buy? It's funny, because I get these grand ideas to go out and buy something but when I actually get to the store the desire kind of dries up. I think this is due to the fact that I see an item, I see the price, I think of how annoying it can be to get said item removed from its box, and then I remember how small an area I have for displaying the things I buy. Or maybe it's just leftover guilt from my ex. Nevertheless, I shall buy something, and when I do, I'll put up a pretty review of it for all you lovelies.
Better go now. My butt's getting numb.
Sam
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Black holes and moat monsters
I’ve decided that the Hampton Roads area is a reverse black hole for toys. See, I used to think that there were just piles and piles of scalpers, collectors, little kids who actually play with toys, and other such characters competing with me for toy stock around here. But, I’ve decided that this just simply isn’t true. You want a for instance? Okay, I’ll give you one. I finally found the 3.75” DC figures. Lots of people are griping about these, but honestly I love these things. Some of the best renditions of superheroes IMHO and on top of that it doesn’t have 500 versions of Superman and Batman…in fact, neither of them have shown up yet. The only figures I can find though are SHAZAM! (or, for the geekier of us, Captain Marvel), Professor Zoom, Adam Strange, and Guy Gardner. Oh, and every once in a while I find the GCPD pack and the Flash and his rogues pack). But I have never ever found any of the others. Never. Ever. But wait, it gets better. Remember how Hasbro took over Marvel Legends? Only seen a few figures here and there from any of the Hasbro sets. In fact, I’ve only seen a few figures here and there from any of the Legends lines since I’ve lived here, and I’ve been here 4 years. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a complete set of marvel Legends figures. And Star Wars…you might as well forget that. For a while there, if you wanted a pit droid, battle droid, Biggs, or clone trooper you were set. Anything else would cost you your soul. And don’t even get me started on anything past Series One of the DC Universe figures.
So you see, you might come to the same conclusion as I had originally: there are lots of people around here competing for toys. But then I start noticing that that toyline that everyone loves to gripe about not being able to find, GI Joe 25th Anniversary, has made its way to stores in force. For a while I was like everyone else and couldn’t find jack, though I did manage to eventually find one of every figure up until the BAT and Snow Serpent (which I still haven’t found; we’re good for the rest of that wave however). Every time I would go to any store the shelves would be bare. Now, I can’t even look through them without a rain of carded figures falling at my feet, begging me to buy them all (but for 7-8 bucks a pop, it ain’t happening). We’re talking a glut of nearly every figure released, excluding the BAT, Snow Serpent, and Flint v.1. Therefore, I have concluded that toys just don’t come to Hampton Roads. Maybe there’s some sort of government penalty for selling them, which wouldn’t really surprise me given some of the goofiness Virginia is known for, but I can’t find hardly any toys around here. I guess I should be happy though, as it keeps me from spending lots of money and cluttering up my already too cluttered room. Don’t get me wrong, there are toys here. But unless you want Transformers, Joes, or wrasslin’ figures you’re SOL. For goodness’ sake, it took two weeks of searching just to find my wife an Ewok. A friggin’ Ewok! Okay, rant over.
I love Thundercats, even though I only own Mumm-Ra the Ever-Living! My version is the hunched over old man Mumm-Ra who has less articulation than the old He-Man talking toothbrush I used to have as a kid. But man, what a cool figure! If this thing was made today I think parents would sue because LJN made their kids piss themselves! Not only that, but Mumm-Ra is scary without being pretentious like the Living Dead Dolls. It’s like Mumm-Ra knows he’s bad, and therefore doesn’t need to show everyone how bad he is, which is of course the definition of being bad. I’m not really sure how much sense that last statement made, but if you understood it, we’ll categorize it under the “great minds think alike” adage and leave it at that. Nevertheless, hunchback Mumm-Ra is, in my opinion, way cooler than WWE reject Mumm-Ra, even if the latter has glowing red eyes and arms that flop up and down as if in a tantrum.
Along with this Mumm-Ra was a catalog from LJN which featured many of the Thundercats goodies one could whine to their parents about in the hopes of getting some extra junk for their room. Whining didn’t really work with my parents; in fact, whining was often counterproductive to getting what I wanted. But if I could whine and get what I wanted I would definitely be whining for more Thundercats toys, especially this one (borrowed from x-entertainment.com):
I mean, who wouldn’t want an Astral Moat Monster? For that matter, who wouldn’t want an Astral Moat?
Well, I’ve rambled enough. Somebody buy me an Astral Moat Monster!
Sam
So you see, you might come to the same conclusion as I had originally: there are lots of people around here competing for toys. But then I start noticing that that toyline that everyone loves to gripe about not being able to find, GI Joe 25th Anniversary, has made its way to stores in force. For a while I was like everyone else and couldn’t find jack, though I did manage to eventually find one of every figure up until the BAT and Snow Serpent (which I still haven’t found; we’re good for the rest of that wave however). Every time I would go to any store the shelves would be bare. Now, I can’t even look through them without a rain of carded figures falling at my feet, begging me to buy them all (but for 7-8 bucks a pop, it ain’t happening). We’re talking a glut of nearly every figure released, excluding the BAT, Snow Serpent, and Flint v.1. Therefore, I have concluded that toys just don’t come to Hampton Roads. Maybe there’s some sort of government penalty for selling them, which wouldn’t really surprise me given some of the goofiness Virginia is known for, but I can’t find hardly any toys around here. I guess I should be happy though, as it keeps me from spending lots of money and cluttering up my already too cluttered room. Don’t get me wrong, there are toys here. But unless you want Transformers, Joes, or wrasslin’ figures you’re SOL. For goodness’ sake, it took two weeks of searching just to find my wife an Ewok. A friggin’ Ewok! Okay, rant over.
I love Thundercats, even though I only own Mumm-Ra the Ever-Living! My version is the hunched over old man Mumm-Ra who has less articulation than the old He-Man talking toothbrush I used to have as a kid. But man, what a cool figure! If this thing was made today I think parents would sue because LJN made their kids piss themselves! Not only that, but Mumm-Ra is scary without being pretentious like the Living Dead Dolls. It’s like Mumm-Ra knows he’s bad, and therefore doesn’t need to show everyone how bad he is, which is of course the definition of being bad. I’m not really sure how much sense that last statement made, but if you understood it, we’ll categorize it under the “great minds think alike” adage and leave it at that. Nevertheless, hunchback Mumm-Ra is, in my opinion, way cooler than WWE reject Mumm-Ra, even if the latter has glowing red eyes and arms that flop up and down as if in a tantrum.
Along with this Mumm-Ra was a catalog from LJN which featured many of the Thundercats goodies one could whine to their parents about in the hopes of getting some extra junk for their room. Whining didn’t really work with my parents; in fact, whining was often counterproductive to getting what I wanted. But if I could whine and get what I wanted I would definitely be whining for more Thundercats toys, especially this one (borrowed from x-entertainment.com):
I mean, who wouldn’t want an Astral Moat Monster? For that matter, who wouldn’t want an Astral Moat?
Well, I’ve rambled enough. Somebody buy me an Astral Moat Monster!
Sam
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
I was gonna write something, but I forgot
Maybe it's because I'm hungry, or because I only got 4 hours of sleep last night, but I totally forgot what I was originally going to write about. Therefore, this will probably be the most nonsensical post I've written in a while...though I do tend to surprise myself.
What is the deal with British writers and their need to be over-the-top offensive? Don't get me wrong, I think that guys like Warren Ellis, Alan Moore, Garth Ennis, et. al. are great writers, but sometimes I wonder if they could write a story that doesn't include phrases like "two jerks of a dead dog's cock" or anal rape. Are the Brits just repressed, or has their mothering society caused some sort of juvenile regression amongst them? In fact, the tamest of the lot, one Neil Gaiman (who is one of my favorite modern writers) still has that absolutely pointless homosexual love scene between a djinn and some mook in American Gods, complete with vivid detail of certain things splashing on the backs of throats. What in God's name is that all about anyway?
I guess to be fair, not all of their works are really like this, and I'm hyperbolizing a bit. But seriously, could we not read a book that brought up such visceral mental images that one feels the need to consume half a bottle of Rolaids to offset the queasiness in their stomach?
By the way, Transmetropolitan, Preacher, Watchmen, The Sandman...all of these are great series. Wanted? Not so much. I know some people really loved it, but what a terrible book! And now I'm rambling, thus I need to refocus.
Okay, on to better things. I just added a new figure to my Jedi/Sith collection, one Saesee Tiin. Here's a pic of the particular one I have, borrowed from Hasbro Toy Shop:
A decent enough figure, though the articulation is a bit limited. But I don't really mind, since every super-articulated figure out there seems to also suffer from super-loose joints. But that's a blog for another time.
Sam
What is the deal with British writers and their need to be over-the-top offensive? Don't get me wrong, I think that guys like Warren Ellis, Alan Moore, Garth Ennis, et. al. are great writers, but sometimes I wonder if they could write a story that doesn't include phrases like "two jerks of a dead dog's cock" or anal rape. Are the Brits just repressed, or has their mothering society caused some sort of juvenile regression amongst them? In fact, the tamest of the lot, one Neil Gaiman (who is one of my favorite modern writers) still has that absolutely pointless homosexual love scene between a djinn and some mook in American Gods, complete with vivid detail of certain things splashing on the backs of throats. What in God's name is that all about anyway?
I guess to be fair, not all of their works are really like this, and I'm hyperbolizing a bit. But seriously, could we not read a book that brought up such visceral mental images that one feels the need to consume half a bottle of Rolaids to offset the queasiness in their stomach?
By the way, Transmetropolitan, Preacher, Watchmen, The Sandman...all of these are great series. Wanted? Not so much. I know some people really loved it, but what a terrible book! And now I'm rambling, thus I need to refocus.
Okay, on to better things. I just added a new figure to my Jedi/Sith collection, one Saesee Tiin. Here's a pic of the particular one I have, borrowed from Hasbro Toy Shop:
A decent enough figure, though the articulation is a bit limited. But I don't really mind, since every super-articulated figure out there seems to also suffer from super-loose joints. But that's a blog for another time.
Sam
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Nineties comics and Star Wars lusting
I don’t know what to write, but I want to write something. Okay, I actually know a lot of things I could write, but I can’t narrow down one thing from nerdom. I suppose I could do a sort of smorgasbord of nerdy things, but then I might alienate my readers. Oh well, let the alienation begin.
I miss the nineties comics. Yes, they were filled with gimmick covers, big shoulder pads and, dare I say it, the whole Peter Parker/Ben Reilly “clone saga”. But they also didn’t take themselves too seriously, something I feel modern comics do a bit too often. Of course, comics in the nineties had waaaaaaaaaaay too many crossovers, much like they do today, but the difference was that these crossovers were fun. Anyone remember the crossover in the Amazing Spider-Man called Round Robin: The Sidekick’s Revenge? What a great crossover! Oh, and what about all those great Robin miniseries, especially Robin II: The Joker’s Wild? That miniseries pretty much cinched the Joker as my favorite Batman villain.
And then there was Image. Image is about as far from what it was originally as it can get, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Spawn was pretty lame in many respects, as was Youngblood, Cyberforce, Wetworks, Shadowhawk, etc. And those guys wouldn’t keep a deadline if their lives depended on it. But as lame as those series might have been, they showed heart, something which is sorely lacking from comics these days. Don’t get me wrong, I still love and will always cherish comics. Maybe it’s just a sign that I’m getting older and looking back on the nineties nostalgically, remembering something that never really existed, but I miss those silly comics. If only I could go back and reread them…guess it’s time to look in the back issue bin!
On a side note, I really want the new Millennium Falcon. That thing is friggin’ huge and I have no room for it, but what a beast! Oh, and the TRU exclusive B-Wing is on my lust list as well. So, if anyone has any extra cash lying around…
Guess this post wasn’t as eclectic as I originally thought it would be, but that’s okay. What’s your favorite nineties comic?
Sam
I miss the nineties comics. Yes, they were filled with gimmick covers, big shoulder pads and, dare I say it, the whole Peter Parker/Ben Reilly “clone saga”. But they also didn’t take themselves too seriously, something I feel modern comics do a bit too often. Of course, comics in the nineties had waaaaaaaaaaay too many crossovers, much like they do today, but the difference was that these crossovers were fun. Anyone remember the crossover in the Amazing Spider-Man called Round Robin: The Sidekick’s Revenge? What a great crossover! Oh, and what about all those great Robin miniseries, especially Robin II: The Joker’s Wild? That miniseries pretty much cinched the Joker as my favorite Batman villain.
And then there was Image. Image is about as far from what it was originally as it can get, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Spawn was pretty lame in many respects, as was Youngblood, Cyberforce, Wetworks, Shadowhawk, etc. And those guys wouldn’t keep a deadline if their lives depended on it. But as lame as those series might have been, they showed heart, something which is sorely lacking from comics these days. Don’t get me wrong, I still love and will always cherish comics. Maybe it’s just a sign that I’m getting older and looking back on the nineties nostalgically, remembering something that never really existed, but I miss those silly comics. If only I could go back and reread them…guess it’s time to look in the back issue bin!
On a side note, I really want the new Millennium Falcon. That thing is friggin’ huge and I have no room for it, but what a beast! Oh, and the TRU exclusive B-Wing is on my lust list as well. So, if anyone has any extra cash lying around…
Guess this post wasn’t as eclectic as I originally thought it would be, but that’s okay. What’s your favorite nineties comic?
Sam
Friday, July 18, 2008
Soooooooooo, anyone who reads this blog may have noticed that I haven't written anything for a while. That's true, I haven't. Been trying to figure out where I'm going and what I'm doing with my life and tons of other things that would bore you but seem life-altering to me. But, have no fear, I bring to you a new blog filled with the ultimate in nerdiness: Dungeons and Dragons!
Ah, D&D. Just the mention of it dredges up images of devil-worshipping kids who can't get a date and spend all their time in the basement with the lights turned off, the Deicide turned up, rolling dice and doing their damnedest to get an early onset of diabetes. I didn't really get into RPGs of any type until college, not because I was too cool but really because I was so uncool I didn't have anyone to play with. Well, that's not entirely true, but the truth is boring so the Hollywood version is that I had no friends and therefore no one to play D&D with, though there was a time when my bestest friend in the whole world, who I only saw once a year because he lived far away, came to visit and brought with him a D&D board game. I immediately set up a scenario in which I knew he would be killed, involving manscorpions and other assorted baddies. His lone thief stood no chance, I pissed him off, and...well, now I'm starting to realize why I had no friends. Wow, that's depressing.
Back on topic. In college I found a group of people as socialy awkward as I and we proceeded to do some roleplaying. Boy was that embarrassing the first time, when I came in with my whips, chains, and leather thong. Seriously though, we played RIFTS I believe, and it was during this campaign that I first caugh the ire of what could be considered my college nemesis, whose name shall not be used in case he ever comes across this and, in need of some funds to support his heroin addiction or whatever, decides to sue me for libel. (Incidentally, he's not addicted to heroin as far as I know) This fellow got mad at me for playing my character and from that point on made it his job to make my life a living hell. From RIFTS we went through TMNT, Star Wars, Ravenloft, D&D, and a smattering of the DC game. So, we had lots of fun, many people were killed and wenches ravished, and copious amounts of junk food were consumed.
Flash forward to now. Isn't time travel wonderful? Anywho, here in grad school, I didn't run into as many D&D fans. Probably has something to do with Pat Robertson being Chancellor, but nevertheless I once again found myself without people to play with. Now, almost graduated and rueing the day I was born, my wife buys me the D&D Miniatures Basic Set which I immediately fell in love with. Then I find out that some of my friends are curious and want to play the game, so we bust it out and next thing I know I'm running a campaign filled with action, adventure, intrigue, and story...all of which I make up completely off the cuff. The beauty of this game is that I don't have a DM guide, so I have to make up a lot of things, but that's fine by me especially since I have all newbies so no one can argue about the rules. I even made up a weapon called the "Flaming Sword of Retribution" for them to find which does regular longsowrd damage plus 5 burning damage per attack, as well as 5 damage every round to attacked creature. Great stuff.
I'm addicted. I love this game, and I find myself wanting to continue this campaign. I even get worried that one of the people playing will back out and I try to figure out how we can work it without them. Wow, that's sad. Maybe Pat is right and D&D is bad for you....
Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Sam
Ah, D&D. Just the mention of it dredges up images of devil-worshipping kids who can't get a date and spend all their time in the basement with the lights turned off, the Deicide turned up, rolling dice and doing their damnedest to get an early onset of diabetes. I didn't really get into RPGs of any type until college, not because I was too cool but really because I was so uncool I didn't have anyone to play with. Well, that's not entirely true, but the truth is boring so the Hollywood version is that I had no friends and therefore no one to play D&D with, though there was a time when my bestest friend in the whole world, who I only saw once a year because he lived far away, came to visit and brought with him a D&D board game. I immediately set up a scenario in which I knew he would be killed, involving manscorpions and other assorted baddies. His lone thief stood no chance, I pissed him off, and...well, now I'm starting to realize why I had no friends. Wow, that's depressing.
Back on topic. In college I found a group of people as socialy awkward as I and we proceeded to do some roleplaying. Boy was that embarrassing the first time, when I came in with my whips, chains, and leather thong. Seriously though, we played RIFTS I believe, and it was during this campaign that I first caugh the ire of what could be considered my college nemesis, whose name shall not be used in case he ever comes across this and, in need of some funds to support his heroin addiction or whatever, decides to sue me for libel. (Incidentally, he's not addicted to heroin as far as I know) This fellow got mad at me for playing my character and from that point on made it his job to make my life a living hell. From RIFTS we went through TMNT, Star Wars, Ravenloft, D&D, and a smattering of the DC game. So, we had lots of fun, many people were killed and wenches ravished, and copious amounts of junk food were consumed.
Flash forward to now. Isn't time travel wonderful? Anywho, here in grad school, I didn't run into as many D&D fans. Probably has something to do with Pat Robertson being Chancellor, but nevertheless I once again found myself without people to play with. Now, almost graduated and rueing the day I was born, my wife buys me the D&D Miniatures Basic Set which I immediately fell in love with. Then I find out that some of my friends are curious and want to play the game, so we bust it out and next thing I know I'm running a campaign filled with action, adventure, intrigue, and story...all of which I make up completely off the cuff. The beauty of this game is that I don't have a DM guide, so I have to make up a lot of things, but that's fine by me especially since I have all newbies so no one can argue about the rules. I even made up a weapon called the "Flaming Sword of Retribution" for them to find which does regular longsowrd damage plus 5 burning damage per attack, as well as 5 damage every round to attacked creature. Great stuff.
I'm addicted. I love this game, and I find myself wanting to continue this campaign. I even get worried that one of the people playing will back out and I try to figure out how we can work it without them. Wow, that's sad. Maybe Pat is right and D&D is bad for you....
Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Sam
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Harness the Power!
I was actually going to start this blog off with an essay about my love/hate affair with Star Wars, but I decided that was too cliché nerdy, so I’ve opted to write about Dino Riders instead. Not that I’m an expert on them, but I feel that no one has written in-depth about them, although to be perfectly honest I did less than zero research to back up this statement. For those of you who are wondering how one can do less than zero research, it can be best explained in the following mathematical formula: Zero research + total apathy = less than zero research. This is a mathematical conundrum the likes of which has never been seen before, as it is the first time that adding a positive to zero can equal a negative, but I digress
Sooooooo, where was I? Ah yes, Dino-Riders. When I was a wee lad, I loved dinosaurs like they were the second coming. Okay, maybe not to that level of blasphemy, but I loved them nonetheless. And what kid didn’t honestly love the idea of enormous, flesh-rending monsters stomping around tearing everything up and not really giving a flying you-know-what while they did it. Who was going to tell Tyrannosaurus Rex that he needed to keep it down? Certainly not me, though Chuck Norris might. Apparently I wasn’t the only child of the ’80-‘90’s who loved the thunder lizards though, because it seemed like they were everywhere: in the movies (Jurassic Park anyone), on TV (in a mercifully short-lived sitcom as well as other places), and even in Calvin and Hobbes comics. But the place that I remember them the most fondly was in Dino-Riders, a toy line that merged two of the greatest things ever: dinosaurs and mind control.
If you don’t know the premise of Dino-Riders, it’s fairly simple. The good guys (whose names I can’t remember), who won’t kill anything (and are probably vegans, because plants can’t die) are being chased by the bad guys, who are various types of humanoid amphibians, insects, and reptiles and call themselves Rulons. Apparently the irony of “evolved” reptiles enslaving their evolutionary ancestors was too great for the show and toy line’s creators to pass up…or else I’m putting too much thought into this.
I could ramble on and on about backstories and character sketches, but who wants to read about that, much less write about it? Let’s get on to the only thing that really matters: the toys. Dino-Riders figures were roughly 2” tall and not very well detailed or articulated, a fact that we can all forgive since they’re so small. Really though the figures are, in this particular line, more of an accessory, an excuse if you will to have dinosaurs roaming around with laser guns and missiles on them. The dinosaurs themselves ranged in size from fairly small, like the Dimetrodon, to insanely huge, like the T-Rex. I remember getting the T-Rex for Christmas, at which point he promptly came out of the box, was covered in weapons systems, and then proceeded to eat every single action figure I owned…by himself! T-Rex was one of the dinosaurs that moved and his mouth opened and shut, so much mayhem was wreaked by him before Super Powers Superman took him down. Well, actually, that’s not true; Rex ate Supes too.
I never really had many of these toys, but I did have some of the gems like Rex, the Triceratops, and the Stegosaurus. The rest of the ones in my collection were the smaller guys like the Pterodactyl, Quetzalcoatl, and Dimetrodon. What I never had, nor knew existed, were the Ice Age guys. Upon looking at them, I can see why I never knew about them: chances are I saw them, blocked them from my memory as too painful, and now I’ll have to go on Dr. Phil to help me deal with this tragic undertaking. Not necessarily that the animals weren’t decent enough, but why the freak were they being ridden by cavemen who look like monkeys with shaved backs? It boggles the mind, it does.
Now, as I get older and wiser (or at least older) I realize that these toys were just friggin’ great. I want to go on E-Bay and buy up every single one I see. However, the premise behind them is a little suspect. After all, we basically have this idea that animals should be enslaved via mind-control if they won’t do what we want them to do. This of course can be applied further, and then we teach our children that anyone who disagrees with us must be mind-controlled. I know I’ve fantasized about building brain boxes or finding a necklace that allows me to control others, and I can probably trace that desire to control others who won’t do my bidding back to Dino-Riders. Or else I just need to stop with my Master’s Degree and not consider that Ph.D. Nevertheless, Dion-Riders are awesome awesome awesome, but I better stop my writing about them as there’s a strange woman wandering around the library and I might need to go call security.
-Sam
Sooooooo, where was I? Ah yes, Dino-Riders. When I was a wee lad, I loved dinosaurs like they were the second coming. Okay, maybe not to that level of blasphemy, but I loved them nonetheless. And what kid didn’t honestly love the idea of enormous, flesh-rending monsters stomping around tearing everything up and not really giving a flying you-know-what while they did it. Who was going to tell Tyrannosaurus Rex that he needed to keep it down? Certainly not me, though Chuck Norris might. Apparently I wasn’t the only child of the ’80-‘90’s who loved the thunder lizards though, because it seemed like they were everywhere: in the movies (Jurassic Park anyone), on TV (in a mercifully short-lived sitcom as well as other places), and even in Calvin and Hobbes comics. But the place that I remember them the most fondly was in Dino-Riders, a toy line that merged two of the greatest things ever: dinosaurs and mind control.
If you don’t know the premise of Dino-Riders, it’s fairly simple. The good guys (whose names I can’t remember), who won’t kill anything (and are probably vegans, because plants can’t die) are being chased by the bad guys, who are various types of humanoid amphibians, insects, and reptiles and call themselves Rulons. Apparently the irony of “evolved” reptiles enslaving their evolutionary ancestors was too great for the show and toy line’s creators to pass up…or else I’m putting too much thought into this.
I could ramble on and on about backstories and character sketches, but who wants to read about that, much less write about it? Let’s get on to the only thing that really matters: the toys. Dino-Riders figures were roughly 2” tall and not very well detailed or articulated, a fact that we can all forgive since they’re so small. Really though the figures are, in this particular line, more of an accessory, an excuse if you will to have dinosaurs roaming around with laser guns and missiles on them. The dinosaurs themselves ranged in size from fairly small, like the Dimetrodon, to insanely huge, like the T-Rex. I remember getting the T-Rex for Christmas, at which point he promptly came out of the box, was covered in weapons systems, and then proceeded to eat every single action figure I owned…by himself! T-Rex was one of the dinosaurs that moved and his mouth opened and shut, so much mayhem was wreaked by him before Super Powers Superman took him down. Well, actually, that’s not true; Rex ate Supes too.
I never really had many of these toys, but I did have some of the gems like Rex, the Triceratops, and the Stegosaurus. The rest of the ones in my collection were the smaller guys like the Pterodactyl, Quetzalcoatl, and Dimetrodon. What I never had, nor knew existed, were the Ice Age guys. Upon looking at them, I can see why I never knew about them: chances are I saw them, blocked them from my memory as too painful, and now I’ll have to go on Dr. Phil to help me deal with this tragic undertaking. Not necessarily that the animals weren’t decent enough, but why the freak were they being ridden by cavemen who look like monkeys with shaved backs? It boggles the mind, it does.
Now, as I get older and wiser (or at least older) I realize that these toys were just friggin’ great. I want to go on E-Bay and buy up every single one I see. However, the premise behind them is a little suspect. After all, we basically have this idea that animals should be enslaved via mind-control if they won’t do what we want them to do. This of course can be applied further, and then we teach our children that anyone who disagrees with us must be mind-controlled. I know I’ve fantasized about building brain boxes or finding a necklace that allows me to control others, and I can probably trace that desire to control others who won’t do my bidding back to Dino-Riders. Or else I just need to stop with my Master’s Degree and not consider that Ph.D. Nevertheless, Dion-Riders are awesome awesome awesome, but I better stop my writing about them as there’s a strange woman wandering around the library and I might need to go call security.
-Sam
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